Cooking Is Extremely Attractive

That might be a nice way of saying that knowing how to cook is a pretty good way to get laid. Wait… what I should say is that cooking well will get you laid again. You’re on your own when it comes to the whole initial ritual of sealing the deal.

Yet after your triumphant conquest lies a tremendous opportunity to show that, yes, you can do more than just buy drinks and thrust rabidly through the night. People gotta eat, and sooner or later, the time will arrive for you to feed this charming new object of your affection. Nail this with a well executed yet understated meal, and I promise — I will wager any amount of money — satisfying sexual encore will follow.

What part of cooking well doesn’t make you more attractive? You know how to take care of yourself, check. You can take care of someone else, check. You have some sense of timing and coordination, check. You can follow instructions, check. You can multitask, check. You enjoy life’s simple pleasures, check. What more can the heart of man or woman desire?

The best part here is that this isn’t some sleazy sleight of hand magic trick. Cooking is a real demonstration of all these attributes, whereas a great pickup line or cool haircut is only a suggestion of suitability. Who deserves it more: the guy with the quick line and expensive watch at the bar, or the one busting his ass for an hour in the kitchen exclusively for your enjoyment?

Now that I’m clearly speaking to women: To the strong, independent ladies who refuse to cook in reaction against our misogynistic society; you’re ridiculous. Believe me, I love self-assured women who aren’t afraid to be different. But this isn’t knowing how to hem curtains or abandoning a career to take care of the kids. It’s feeding yourself and people you love… pretty fundamental display of competency, and Christ, someone has to do it. If you end up with a guy that insists you cook him three meals a day for the rest of your life, it’s because you’re a lousy judge of character, not because society has forced him upon you. I’m not saying that men haven’t stacked the deck against you, but fight that battle on a different front. There are plenty of respectable people out there who would love to share the work of cooking in order to enjoy its many benefits, your author included.

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© 2012, Ian Mathias