“All You Haters Suck My Balls”

I must admit this little gem is not my own. The proud owner of this delicate phrase (and small internet sensation) is some hip kid in Brooklyn who wrote it in big block letters on the back wheel of his fixed-gear bicycle. The young man had recognized that the life he had chosen was becoming increasingly popular, and like the fate of all popular things, increasingly despised. Hipsters and their fancy fixies were multiplying like rabbits around the turn of the century, as were the quarterbacks turned stock brokers that were just delighted to find a new person to call a “fag!” as they drove by in their black BMWs. Even worse, the ultra hip — those too cool even for the things that are currently cool — started hating on fixed gear bikes, too.

So this fellow wrote that on his bike in an attempt to silence his critics. I’m for it. Live your life. Do exactly what’s right for you and the people you love. Do it well, be kind, and fuck anyone who doesn’t like it. All of ‘em.

In a similar vein, leave people alone who chose to live a lifestyle that you can’t understand. (See #10.) As long as they aren’t hurting anyone, their choices are just as legitimate as yours. At the end of the day, we’re all big walking sacks of sticky liquids and strange chemicals, and it’s nothing short of silly to be critical — or even try to make sense — of why people are drawn to some ideas and trends and not others.

Still, someone figured out a long time ago that being snarky gets attention and easy laughs, and since then there has been this rush of writers, hipsters, and celebrities who are essentially in the business of complaining and drawing attention to the un-cool. Newsflash: You guys are a dime a dozen. Unless that snark is exceptionally funny and smart (Chuck Klosterman, Louis C.K., for example) you have nothing to offer. You’re in the business of holding back those that are trying to make the world more interesting, or at least find some happiness for themselves.

This motherless crowd is particularly hard on art and creative expressionism, which bothers me even more. The only reason to knock a person’s creativity is if they’re clearly plagiarizing someone else’s. Otherwise, let ‘em be… art is totally inconsequential, which is part of what makes it so incredible and meaningful, and also why it’s not worth wasting one breath of harsh criticism. Maybe spend some time creating something of your own instead. That’s way harder, and more worthwhile for everyone.

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© 2012, Ian Mathias